did you get engaged???
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
