how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
