Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
