he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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