I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
