sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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