I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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