They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
