she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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