This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
