The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
