Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
