Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
