he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
