Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
