So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
