walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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