the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
