The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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