Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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