I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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