I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
