If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
