I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
