Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
