It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
