I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
