There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
