break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
