You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
