Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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