he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
