just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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