I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize