just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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