Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
