If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
