Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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