if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
