The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
