Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize