I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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