We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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