I accidentally burped into my bong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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