Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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