Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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