Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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