i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
