I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
