neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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