The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
