Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
