How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
