cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
