ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
