why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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