He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
