And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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