So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
