I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
