I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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