We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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