I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
