Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
