When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
