see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We got so high we made milksteak
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found your dick twin last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
