You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
