Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize