I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
