Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
