I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
