I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
